Mystery Caller – 388

6. T-Mobile

After 90 seconds of muzak, Pamela answered my call. She was Scottish and sounded hassled. How could she help?
I explained I’d nearly been caught making a call while driving without the benefit of hands-free kit. Could she help me get a Bluetooth headset to work with my phone, as I couldn’t find the instruction book?
Pamela didn’t say whether she could or would. Instead she asked for my details, including the date I’d last topped up and by how much. She was less than impressed when I was unable (genuinely) to remember. I asked for a clue. “What’s the lowest I can top up by? That’s how much I’d have spent. 5?”
“You are saying 5?” She asked. “Please hold the line.”
And with that, Pamela cut me off. Whether deliberately or not, the net result is the same a dialling tone in my ear and rapidly rising blood pressure. How dare she?
I made a cup of tea, calmed down, and dialled again.
I was rewarded by a completely new experience: a warning message that I’d be in for a wait that may very well exceed five minutes due to unexpected call volumes’. The message strongly suggested I look to the fully automated’ system to save time. I ignored the message.
Three seconds later, Lynne picked up my call. She sounded equally Scottish, but slightly less hassled. Security’ questions this time round didn’t include the third degree. We were off to a flyer.
I explained for the second time that I wanted help connecting a Bluetooth headset to my phone. “I don’t have the manual for either the headset or the phone,” I said.
“OK. It’s a car kit is it?”
“A headset, yes.”
“It goes in your ear then?”
I resisted the temptation to ask which other orifice I ought to stick the headset in.
“I don’t know much about Bluetooth,” Lynne confided. “It says here you need to look at www.blue tooth.com. What sort of phone do you have?”
I told her a Nokia 6260.
“We don’t have any record of a 6260,” Lynne told me. “Let me look on our other system.” Still no joy.
I decided to help. “Should I have a look at the Nokia website, perhaps?”
“No,” said Lynne. “It says here you need to go to www.bluetooth.com. It says you need to pair the headset.”
I promised Lynne I’d do just that. Meanwhile, did she have any tips to help me stay within the law?
“You have to have your phone in a cradle. It’s no good having it on your lap while it’s on hands free. The phone must be fixed as far from you as possible.”

T-Mobile
Polite and courteous manner 1
Ability to identify and understand my needs 2
Knowledge to provide good level of service? 1
Genuine interest in wanting to help 2
Giving clear, easily understood explanations 1
Overall level of satisfaction with call outcome 1
Less 25% for cutting me off Total 6

5. 3

The call handling software asked me if I’d agree to take part in a customer satisfaction survey after my call. I agreed, as I have done every time the option’s been offered to me. Funny how I’ve only been invited to participate if the call went reasonably well . . .
Dnita answered, making a great song and dance about getting my number down correctly, reading it back twice. The stage was set, the crowd hushed in expectation.
“How can I help?”
I told her I wanted to connect a Bluetooth headset to my phone. Could she help me talk hands-free and stay the right side of the law?
“Certainly I will help you with this,” Dnita promised.
But I knew she wouldn’t. You see, the bottom-of-the range heap of plastic and battery that is my ZTE handset doesn’t support Bluetooth. It barely supports its own weight, but that’s another story. Suffice to say you need muscles of steel to lift the thing and woe betide any appendages that get caught in the closing clamshell.
“Have you been able to access the Bluetooth feature before?” Dnita asked. She was teasing. She knew the ZTE was a Bluetooth-free zone.
I told her I’d never tried to connect the headset to the phone.
“This is not possible,” Dnita told me, without explaining quite what wasn’t possible. “You see, the phone does not support Bluetooth. It is one of our lower end handsets and just doesn’t have the facility.”
“But I can’t use it when driving. It has to be hands-free,” I said.
“I am sorry, but you should have looked at the manufacturers handbook before you bought the phone. There would have been no mention of Bluetooth, so you would have known it was absent,” said Dnita, not bothering to mince her words.
“Can I plug a wired headset in?”
“Do you mean a USB?” She asked. “That also is not possible. The USB feature is not supported. It is one of our most basic handsets.” Nothing like rubbing salt into the wound.
I told her I meant a headset with a wire and jack plug on the end. Dnita was none the wiser. “The phone is dual band. GSM. But that is not the same as Bluetooth.” Give the girl a cigar.
“You see,” she continued, “the ZTE is our most basic handset. Many others have Bluetooth. Would you like a list. You really should have checked the features before you bought it.”
Dnita was in overdrive; protecting her network and all who sail in it.
We said farewell and, surprisingly given the conversation we’d had, Dnita put me through to the survey.

3
Polite and courteous manner 1
Ability to identify and understand my needs 2
Knowledge to provide good level of service 2
Genuine interest in wanting to help 2
Giving clear, easily understood explanations 1
Overall level of satisfaction with call outcome 1
Total 9

=4. Vodafone

I chose the speak to an advisor about anything else’ option. “To help us provide you with a better service, please enter your mobile number.” I did.
Lauren answered my call after a few seconds. I explained why I was ringing. “OK,” she said. “I’ll transfer your call to customer services.”
How bizarre is that? I said I thought I was talking to customer services, but my words met deaf ears. I was back in a queue.
“All advisors are assisting other customers, please hold and your call will be answered in turn.” Protests that my call had already been answered went the same way. After a few minutes, Claire picked up.
I explained my situation. I had a phone and a Bluetooth headset, but not the faintest idea how to connect the two. And the long arm of the law was dangling over my head.
“Have you got Bluetooth on your phone?” Claire wanted to know, reasonably enough.
“I’m pretty sure I have.”
“What sort of phone do you have?”
I admitted to the Nokia 6260, which didn’t cut much ice with our Claire. She told me, a bit grumpily, that she’d have to go off and ?look that one up’.
I’m sure I could hear her rolling up her sleeves. “You need to go to settings’ then connectivity’ then to Bluetooth on or off’. Select on’. That should activate it. Make sure the headset is turned on. Then let the phone search for the system that means the headset.”
I asked Claire to slow down just a fraction. She said she would, but continued at breakneck speed. I defy anyone not intimately acquainted with the Nokia 6260 to make any meaningful attempt at following what Claire said. In the end, I just let the words drift over me.
I got the general idea I should find the menu that said connectivity’ and take it from there. But comments like, “You’ll need to find the profiles and put that to hands-free as well” didn’t help clarify the situation.
Claire was obviously keen to be rid of me. “Any more problems, please call us back,” she said.
Not so fast, Vodafonie.
“Can you tell me what the law actually means. I mean, can you have the phone on your lap and use it hands free?”
Claire was sure: “You can have it on the dashboard or on your lap. It’s just that you can’t be holding it to your ear.”
I thanked her and said my goodbyes.

Vodafone
Polite and courteous manner 3
Ability to identify and understand my needs 2
Knowledge to provide good level of service? 3
Genuine interest in wanting to help 2
Giving clear, easily understood explanations 1
Overall level of satisfaction with call outcome 2
Total 13

=4. O2

O2 uses the same sort of music for ?on hold’ entertainment as it does to accompany its bubbles TV ads. The noise might be OK as background on a 30 second commercial, but prolonged exposure is not recommended. It’s torture. After 10 minutes of repetitive cacophony, I hung up before I went slowly insane.
I’ve not had cause to comment on this before, simply because O2 rarely keep me hanging on for so long. This morning though, I was kept in line for 600 of your earth seconds. Yup, a whole 10 minutes.
Let’s hope the network’s recent win at The Mobile News Awards hasn’t gone to its head.
Second time around I had to endure the cacophony for just six minutes before Peter picked up.
I told him all about my adventures behind the wheel, about the headset I’d got and my inability to get it to connect to the phone.
Peter wasn’t optimistic. “There’s nothing we can do to help you,” he said. “You see a Bluetooth headset is either compatible with a phone or it’s not. We can’t send out any network settings to change the situation. It’s a handset issue.”
Maybe, strictly speaking Peter was telling the truth. But he was spinning it in a way calculated to get rid of me as soon as possible.
“Can’t you help me connect the headset? What do I do?”
Peter launched into a very general outline of Bluetooth pairing, presuming I knew what Bluetooth was and I could navigate my phone’s menus blindfold. “Go into settings’, get the phone to search, once it’s detected the headset ask it to pair, type in the PIN and you’re away. If it doesn’t work, there’s nothing I can do from here though you could try your local O2 shop.”
There’s no way I could have kept up with his instructions based on what Peter told me and he knew it. He didn’t even bother to confirm whether the handset I was using was, in fact, Bluetooth equipped.
I asked about the law. What was I allowed to do behind the wheel?
Peter made several extremely valid points, including the fact that even if I was using a hands-free mobile, the police can still stop and prosecute for dangerous driving if they see fit. He confirmed it was legal to make and receive calls via a Bluetooth headset as this constituted a hands-free kit. The phone itself should be secured in a cradle.

O2
Polite and courteous manner 4
Ability to identify and understand my needs 3
Knowledge to provide good level of service? 3
Genuine interest in wanting to help 2
Giving clear, easily understood explanations 2
Overall level of satisfaction with call outcome 3
Less 25% for abortive call
Total 13

2. Orange

I did everything the woman asked. Put my phone number in, pressed the # key, the lot. How did Orange reward me? By telling me to nip off to their website. I was having none of it, opting for a little queuing.
You can’t say they didn’t warn me. “We are very busy. We hope to have a representative available very shortly” was followed by, “We are experiencing a very high number of calls . . .” You get the picture. I settled down to wait.
As it was, Adam picked up after just four minutes. He asked me for my number. I told him I’d just put it into the system. Usually CSAs just shrug their shoulders at this point. Instead, Adam told me that sometimes, if he has another customer on screen when picking up the next call, the new customer’s number is lost as the screen clears. I was glad I asked.
Adam went through a bit of security before greeting me like a long-lost friend. How could he help?
I explained my near miss and inability to make a new Bluetooth headset talk to my phone, owing to a distinct lack of manuals. Adam wanted to know the make and model of handset and headset, and I obliged.
“Right, we can do a couple of things. The phone isn’t one we sold, so I can transfer you to our faulty handset department who will be able to look up the manual and talk you through step by step. Or I can try to help you connect by going through the menus with you. The process of pairing the headset to the phone is usually quite simple. Shall we give it a go?”
I agreed. Soon I found the menu marked connectivity’, then Bluetooth’. I turned Bluetooth on. Then Adam helped me find a sub menu that allowed me to connect a new device after having searched for available devices.
When the phone asked me to put in a pass key for the headset, Adam suggested I try the default 0000. And, surprise, surprise, it worked just fine.
From a standing start it took about two minutes to connect the headset to the phone and all without a manual. If I’d have let Adam pass me through to the faulty handset department, I’d still have been waiting.
I asked Adam if he could tell me precisely what the law was as regards making calls hands-free. Could I have the phone on my lap or did it have to be in a cradle? What about having it loose on the dashboard?
“I really can’t advise you other than to suggest you have a word with the police,” Adam said. “I would hate to give you the wrong advice. I’m just not qualified to tell you what the law says. Sorry.”
And with that, we called it a day.

Orange
Polite and courteous manner 4
Ability to identify and understand my needs 4
Knowledge to provide good level of service? 5
Genuine interest in wanting to help 4
Giving clear, easily understood explanations 4
Overall level of satisfaction with call outcome 4
Total 25

1. Virgin Mobile

Virgin Mobile injected some excitement into proceedings before the recorded voice even asked me to choose my service.
“We’re sorry if you are unable to use your mobile right now. We’re having network problems, but our guys are aware of the situation and are doing all they can to fix it. If you still want to speak to a customer advisor, please hold the line.”
Of course there’s a simple explanation for the network problems’. It’s evening. Most people have gone home for the day. The cleaners are doing the rounds and need somewhere to plug in the Dyson. Shame they chose to pull out the wrong 13A plug, that’s all.
Matt answered almost immediately and was sympathetic about my near miss. He warned me he may not, however, have the answers. He had a suspicion the Nokia 6260 had never been in Virgin Mobile’s line-up: fears he soon confirmed. But the ever resourceful Matt had a plan.
“I’ve got a Nokia,” he said. “They all work in much the same way. We could try to get the handset and headset connected by referring to the menus on my Nokia and relating them to what comes up on your screen. I thought this was an excellent idea, and told him so.
I also asked what Bluetooth was. Matt gave a very full run-down of the wireless technology’s file sharing capabilities, as well as its better-known use running hands-free accoutrements.
Matt made an extremely good job of using his phone’s system as a template to help me connect my headset. We made a wild guess at the PIN being 0000. Had that failed, Matt was certain we could have gone to the enhancements’ menu and used a subroutine to interrogate the headset. I’d no idea Nokias were so clever.
It took less than three minutes to get the headset talking to the handset and the process was stress-free. Matt kept up a running commentary and helped translate when the screen threw up a different answer to the one he’d expected.
Matt didn’t stop once we’d connected the headset. He told me to look out for brackets around the Bluetooth symbol on the screen. That indicated an enhancement was in use. The screen should also show a headphone icon to reinforce the point. He also advised me not to set the headset to auto-answer. “Some people you just don’t want to talk to,” he said.
I asked Matt whether he knew the precise story as far as hands-free calling and the law was concerned. “As far as I know,” he said, “so long as the phone is fixed in a cradle or on the seat next to you, no one can prosecute you for using the phone. That may change, but that’s how I understand the law is being enforced at the moment. So long as you are using a Bluetooth headset and not holding the phone, you should be fine.”

Virgin Mobile
Polite and courteous manner 4
Ability to identify and understand my needs 4
Knowledge to provide good level of service? 5
Genuine interest in wanting to help 5
Giving clear, easily understood explanations 4
Overall level of satisfaction with call outcome 4
Total 26

Summary

Top marks this week to Orange and Virgin Mobile. It was hard to split them, but eventually Virgin Mobile’s Matt won the day with an extremely solid performance.
3 gave an object lesson in how not to win admirers tell customers they are stupid for not having checked the small print. It’s one thing to think it, but another to say it, repeatedly, in a way that makes you feel like a naughty school child.
Vodafone’s Claire really shouldn’t have given advice about law without telling me to check with the police. And Peter at O2 would have scored higher if he hadn’t tried to get rid of me so obviously.
But by far the worst performance was from T-Mobile. Pamela’s top idea of cutting me off because she clearly couldn’t’ be bothered, followed by Lynne’s near total lack Bluetooth understanding made it difficult to find even the six points they received.